What to do when your kid walks in on you during sex
There is no facepalm hard enough for the guilt and embarrassment from having your kid walk in on you during sex. Our expert gives advice on how you can diffuse the situation with your little one.
So you know your little one has seen you and your partner during sex. What happens next? Do you act like nothing happened? Do you get up and run after your child or talk to him at once?
We’ve put together advice from both mommies and child psychiatrist Dra. Ann Princess Grana-Nespral, who is from Butuan Doctor's Hospital and one of only two practicing specialists in Mindanao, on how to handle these not-so-little mishaps. Let’s hope their advice helps you out for when kids walk in on parents during sex—you’re certainly going to need it!
If you dismiss the incident and leave it to your child to process on his own, Dra. Nespral warns that he may try all sorts of things and act differently:
- inappropriate sexual play
- anxiety and irritability
So you better be ready to handle this, mommies and daddies!
Dra. Nespral says that your child may be anything from curious to afraid thanks to his walking in on parents during sex. While he may not show any immediate response to the incident, it's surely going to affect him.
First things first, do not freak out. Cover up calmly and tell your child to leave the room so you can compose yourself. Just make sure he doesn’t sense the disaster that just happened.
He may think that he did something wrong and you’re mad. Assure him it’s not his fault.
Go and talk to your child calmly. He may be feeding off the tension and your panic. Say, “I’m sorry you had to see that but that’s something only for moms and dads. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
You have to find out what he saw and how he processed it. This would give you a better idea on how to talk to him. The key here is to not add any more details to what he knows!
Things can get worse if your child realizes how bad it is when kids walk in on parents. While you should be embarrassed, your child may feel even worse because he doesn’t want to you to get hurt or mad. Focus on his feelings, not on yours.
Ask him how he feels. This may be the hardest part of the ordeal when kids walk in on parents. You’re going to listen to every single detail. If you don't process this correctly, he may end up getting a skewed view of sexuality and begin to experiment at an early age. Soak up that guilt and remember it so this sort of thing doesn’t happen again.
Mommy Jennifer Delos Santos Teñido says that you can tell him that it is lovemaking. Moms and dads do it because they're in love. She suggests saying, "Daddy was giving mommy a hug for married couples."
Some moms found a great way to turn the incident into an important lesson for their children. Mommy of one small daughter Tin Macayan said that she told her child he can only do that when he’s much older and working. Let’s hope the lesson sticks!
Dra. Nespral provides a short dialogue you can use when kids walk in on parents during sex:
Child: What were you doing mama?
Parents: We didn't see you, what did you see?
Child: Papa was on top and hugging you.
Parents: Papa was showing how much he loves your mama by giving her a hug.
Should you use this as a jumping point to start the sex talk when kids walk in on parents? Not yet. When a kid walks in on parents, it's an awkward experience that may scar him if you first don't defuse any tension he may be feeling. Calming him down is priority.
How about requiring everyone to knock first? This should include even you, Mommy and Daddy.
Really, preventing your kids from walking in on you should be this simple.
Practice delayed satisfaction by talking dirty with your hubby all day so you can get it on when the kid is asleep. You might also want to do it in the morning when he's at school so there’s no chance of the kids walk in on parents having sex.
Co-sleeping is popular in our culture so you may not realize it but your kids may have already seen you! What’s the worst that could happen when kids walk in on parents during sex? How about kids emulating what parents do with their siblings?
Mom-of-two Shy Chrioni shares that this is what happened in her neighborhood - that the kids eventually thought that what they see was okay and tried it with their siblings.
Dra. Nespral insists, "Restraint is key." To walk in on parents once is understandable, but if this happens often, kids may think it's okay to watch during sex! Yikes!
Do you have any caught-in-the-act stories you want to share? Tell us how you handled it, mommies!