Have you ever felt so spent that you tend to take it out on your kids? TAP Mom Keiki shares her experience with mom rage here.
What you can read in this article?
- What triggers her mom rage
- How she was able to manage it
Being a stay-at-home mom and managing my own small business is hard, especially if you have no help during the day. While most of the day I enjoy being with my kids and I love being there for them, there are some times that I lose my patience.
My family and I live in Baguio City, away from our families who live in La Union and Ilocos Sur. Throughout the day, it is just me and the kids while my husband rests after coming home from his night shift work. I’m a very hands-on mom and I also run a little business for extra income to help my husband with bills.
A typical day in my life is waking up at 7 in the morning, going to bed at 10 in the evening, and making sure that my family and the house are in tip-top shape.
Isn’t that how most moms’ days go? As homemakers, we have to feed the family, secure the budget, clean the house, and also take care of ourselves.
But when it all becomes too much, I have my moments of mom rage, and I know you do, too.
A full day
As my husband comes home from work, the kids and I wake up to start our day. I make breakfast for us while my husband goes to sleep after a hard night of work.
After breakfast, the kids rest and watch some TV while I clean up. We then brush our teeth and go on with our day. As I tend to the household chores, the kids will either have their independent play or help me with the chores which are either cleaning, laundry, or yard work. If there are no chores, then the kids and I will spend our morning doing learning activities together.
After chores, I get lunch ready while the kids continue playing. Once we are all done with lunch and clean-up, the kids will take their showers and head over to the room for nap time, which I usually join as well.
When we all wake up from our naps, and daddy wakes up as well, we will all have our afternoon snack then head outside for some playtime. By 5 pm, Daddy will get to cooking while the kids and I do some activities in their room and wait for dinner. After dinner, we all clean up, do our bedtime routines, and head over to the room to have some downtime.
My husband usually goes to work at 9 pm, so the kids and I would just stay in the room, and hopefully, by 9:30 the kids would be sleeping.
It may seem that we have already got our lives together, right? Well, on most days we do. But there are some times when I get overwhelmed and need a break from being a mom.
Usual triggers of mom rage
I actually suffered from postpartum depression and I have anxiety. As I learned to cope with those, I have been able to identify my triggers and also find ways to cope with my struggles to avoid a meltdown. But, when I fail to avoid triggers and things get out of hand, I tend to get frustrated. That’s when mom rage sets in. Because of tiredness, I shout at my kids.
Mom rage happens when a mother (either during pregnancy or postpartum) falls into deep anger that is usually triggered by otherwise simple things or things that usually wouldn’t make you angry.
I discovered that my triggers are when there are too many chores that need to be done and I just can’t cope when there is a flaw in our usual routine and we don’t follow our schedule, when my anxiety creeps in, and when I am overstimulated.
I would say that the biggest reason why I fall into mom rage is when I am overstimulated. This is when the kids keep calling me, become clingy, keep touching me, or when there are just too many things going on around me.
And as much as I hate it, when mom rage hits, I tend to yell or scream at my kids. Those innocent little munchkins stop in confusion and I then realize that it wasn’t fair to them that I yelled. That’s when mom guilt takes its toll on me.
3 steps to deal with mommy guilt
Mainitin ang ulo at madaling magalit mula ng manganak? Maaaring senyales na ito ng postpartum rage
REAL STORIES: Coping with Postpartum Rage with an Infant and a Toddler
Overcoming mom rage
Over time, I got better at understanding my feelings and tried my best to conquer it.
Whenever I start to feel like I am on the edge of it all, I stop and take a breath. Sometimes I would just leave the kids for a moment and create some space just to have my own personal bubble to breathe.
Once I have calmed down (even before I get mad), I ask for hugs and cuddles from the kids. Or I ask for help from my husband- but for this, I would have to wake him up (and I am ever so grateful to him for always being there to help me).
And if none of those help, I just let myself cry it out. I pour out all my anger through tears; and by the end of it, I actually feel better.
I know that it is tough, mama, but always know that you are not alone and that there are others like you. And like them, you will overcome it too.