Hindi lahat ay lumaki sa isang buo at masayang pamilya. I would say, I am one of them. Unfortunately, minsan hindi ang first love mo ang nag-e-end bilang asawa at kasama mo habang buhay, and I would say, I am also one of them.
Ang akala kong masayang pamilya
I belonged in a family of 6, that was before I found out that the perfect family I thought we were, was not that perfect. We are actually illegitimate, 2nd family to be exact! My father was married before and had a child, an elder sister I never knew my whole life until I entered college.
Everything in our family was plotted perfect. No flaws. My mom and dad even got married in civil because of my lolo’s (mom’s dad) connection at City Hall before, that even my aunts and uncles from my father’s side hid it perfectly.
As in, walang nag-spill out, until my mother’s side knew about it. Yes, my mother was so in love with my father that time that she even kept it in secret from her family.
Larawan mula sa iStock
My father has a very good paying job, it is just that me and my sister will be entering college and needs extra fund as they are also aiming to buy a house and lot at Batangas.
My mother was forced to go to Middle East and worked long as an HR Manager for firms. Tragedy started and raining bombs every where. Secrets started to pop up out of nowhere, even me without asking for it. Sobrang gulo!
It was very difficult for me that time, kasi my 3 other siblings are depending on me, as I am the eldest. I needed to be strong and endure all stories I hear from both sides.
I needed to stand in the center, no bias, because they are my parents and whatever is happening to them, they must take it responsibly and face all kinds of ridicules and judgement from others.
Nakilala ko ang aking “first love”
Thinking it was college days, the most challenging and highlight of my adulting years. I am just very blessed, I found good friends and be in a Christ centered community. Kaya nagpapasalamat talaga ako, I found this friend of mine and napilit niya ako mag-attend ng Sunday Church service nila.
Kapag you have a trust issues from you family tila magkakaroon ka na rin ng trust issues in a relationship. | Larawan mula sa iStock
During this time, I also had my first love. Sadly, I also found out that during our relationship, he cheated and had a child on his first girlfriend. Not just that, he even purposely kept cheating and telling lies about where he is or who’s with him. In short, the whole 4 years was all built with pure lies.
Nakakatawa lang isipin, na sa isang buong chapter ng buhay ko, puro disaster at kasinungalingan ang events. Nothing to be proud of, to be exact! Kaya naman talagang, malalim ang sugat sa akin and I admit, I have “trust issues”. I have trust issues even in our relationship.
It’s really hard to have a trust issues in relationship, kasi lagi kang magdududa at mag-iisipl.
So, I was able to surpass that storm. Nag-lie low na lahat. I started working and I travelled a lot. I was in a different vibe and environment. Everything was new and exciting! Then, I met my husband.
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Trust issues in our relationship at aming pinagdaanan
We really are not that good as a couple. During our bf/gf years, we have difficulty meeting our expectations. Siguro kasi, we lived in a different family setting and had totally different types of friends.
Honestly, ayoko talaga sa mga kaibigan niya! Mahilig silang uminom kahit walang okasyon at magastos sa mga bagay na wala naman katuturan for me.
He just wanted me to suck up all of it one time! Since, I was very understanding and loving that time, sige, I was able to endure it and just hide my disappointments.
Then one time, I got fed up, released a ticking bomb inside me. I started making issues out of nowhere. Nagsimula na akong magkaroon ng tamang hinala.
Lagi na kaming nagtatalo sa mga bagay na kahit sobrang liit, nagagawa pa namin palakihin. I wanted to leave him that time, kaso I learned that I was pregnant, no plans of getting married but my father insisted and got married the same year.
Trust issues in our relationship. | Larawan mula sa iStock
Our 1st year was tiresome. I became exhausted of all the fight and even lived at a hotel for 1 week with my daughter, just to have some space and not see him.
Kasi talagang issue sa amin noon ang pakikisama niya sa mga kaibigan niya. I hated it! Why? Kasi, he talked to me one time, if it was okay for me, if he would see his ex-girlfriend at a same event with his friends.
Yes! They have common friends and it pissed me off without him knowing it. Kasi nga, I tried to be understanding and loving.
Panahong nalaman niya ang aking trauma
Years passed by, he learned about my trauma and I would say he fully understood me without me explaining it. Siguro, matalino nga siya kasi, hindi ko kinailangan na ipaliwanag pa sa kanya bakit ako ganito.
He just surprised me. He told me that this friend of his was planning a trip/session and he refused. Well, that was it! One day, he just changed his heart.
Maybe some of you would judge me, some would understand, but having a trauma would really affect on how you see and even believe on things. I even have a time where I questioned myself, if I trust myself. Funny, but true.
I am happy and very blessed that God never left me and my family during those trying times. I also didn’t gave up my faith and believe in His promise of peace.
By just praying, sabi ko, “Lord, please give me a whole family. Do not let my children be like me.” I am overwhelmed with His grace and how He answered my prayer. Hindi ko sukat akalain na ang asawa ko ang milagro niya sa buhay ko.
So, this is us now. Every time he goes far, he sends me pictures of where he is, or what he is doing. Honestly, I never requested or ordered him, but this makes me calm and have the peace of mind I needed.
By the way, first photo, he was telling me to eat my lunch as he was also taking his at CK. Second photo, he told me he would be late, got stuck at Manila Ocean Park.
