In this article, we provide you with suggestions to help you and your children and toddlers deal with separation anxiety.
How can you help your children deal with and overcome separation anxiety?
Separation anxiety in toddlers is the feeling and experience of being nervous or anxious when separated from loved ones. Most likely, this feeling is evident when their caregivers or mothers are too far from them.
Although separation anxiety is normal in toddlers as part of their stage of development, it may still affect them.
In addition, separation anxiety in toddlers may start at the age of 8 months. During this period, babies often feel scared when they encounter different and new people.
They naturally feel safe with their parents, and unsafe when their parents leave them. At the age of 2, toddlers might start to understand that their parents will return apparently.
However, in some toddlers, separation anxiety may continue after 2 years of age. The disorder, separation anxiety disorder, most commonly affects younger toddlers. It may then affect older children and adults, too.
What is the difference between separation anxiety and separation anxiety disorder?
Separation anxiety is a normal, and usual part of children’s development, or of toddlers. Meanwhile, separation anxiety disorder is a severe fear of separation from a loved one or primary caregiver (attachment figure). It can be much more extreme and is not developmentally appropriate.
Separation anxiety, then, becomes a disorder when the anxiety affects or interferes with age-appropriate behavior and attitude.
Causes and symptoms of separation anxiety in toddlers
Separation anxiety disorder can be genetic in nature. It can ruin families. Surrounding factors also may cause separation anxiety disorder. The following factors can result in triggering separation anxiety in toddlers.
Causes of separation anxiety
Experts claim that separation anxiety disorder (SAD) is caused by both biological and environmental factors. Toddlers may inherit a tendency to have separation anxiety. An imbalance of 2 chemicals in the brain (norepinephrine and serotonin) is common in the play.
- death inside the family
- separation or divorce of parents
- parental absence
- geographic transfer or relocation
- change or transfer to another school
- anxiety diagnosis in one of the parents
- parental alcoholism
- foster care or adoption
What are the symptoms of separation anxiety in toddlers
Some symptoms of separation anxiety in toddlers are the same as separation anxiety in adults. These symptoms may include the following:
- Fear that something bad might happen to one of the family members during separation.
- an unreasonable fear of being abducted or to be in an abduction.
- Following loved ones all around the house.
- Fear of being left alone.
- refusing to sleep alone
- too much worry about getting lost from the family
- being too much clingy, even at home
- panic or temper tantrums at times of separation from parents or caregivers
Other symptoms may include:
- Panic attacks when you cannot reach or see loved ones.
- Fear that the toddler themselves or their parents will get injured during separation.
- Social withdrawal.
- Difficulty in focusing or concentrating.
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Physical symptoms of separation anxiety in toddlers might include such as:
How to handle separation anxiety in toddlers aged 2 and 3
Most parents I know confess that they find it difficult to leave their children at home with a babysitter or at a daycare center or preschool when they are crying and asking them not to go. They worry about their child and they feel guilty about having to leave them to go to work.
They have tried many ways but it seems that most of the time their kids still cry, suffering from separation anxiety. When nothing seems to work, how do you help your children deal with and overcome separation anxiety? This article is meant to provide parents like you with suggestions to help you and your child deal with this emotion.
There are multiple tips on how to handle separation anxiety in toddlers aged 2 and 3. And these tips are what experts and child psychiatrists may also suggest.
How to stop separation anxiety in toddlers aged 2 and 3
There are many ways how mommies deal with and stop separation anxiety in toddlers. The following can be suggestive and you may try applying them.
1. Teach your child to be independent and self-reliant.
Even at a young age and before it is time for your child to attend daycare, enable your child to become independent in some of the things he or she can do by herself like deciding on what to eat, what to wear, what toys to play with, and doing things such as eating, dressing up, manipulating objects or toys.
There is a study that shows that children who suffer separation anxiety most are those who are too dependent on their parents even for the smallest things. So, teaching your child independence will definitely prepare them for that time when you need to leave them temporarily.
Find out how you can leave your child feeling happy and avoid separation anxiety when you go off for work here…
2. Bring your child for a visit to the daycare center or preschool before enrolling him or her.
One of the best ways to think about whether your child will be comfortable and would want to be left behind in a daycare center or preschool is to bring him or her there for a visit.
If your child likes the place and the people he or she comes to see then you can decide on choosing that daycare or preschool. However, if your child is restless or unsettled even during your visit then don’t decide on that right away.
3. Talk to your child about the temporary separation.
Before leaving for work or before dropping them off at a daycare or preschool, talk with your child about what to expect. Explain to them that you need to go to work or that you have to leave them at school so they will learn.
Tell him or her about what you will be doing while you are away. Explain to them the reasons why you have to go to work and the benefits of being away from each other in the meantime.
4. Read books to your child about separation to help him or her deal with it.
There are good storybooks about separation anxiety that you can buy and read to him or her. One book is When I Miss You (The Way I Feel Books) by Cornelia Maude Spelman.
Books like this will illustrate to him or her that separation is only temporary and that when people separate they will see each other again and they still love each other despite the separation.
5. Allow your child to bring a comfort object.
If there is an object or thing that helps your child ease her anxiety or discomfort, let him or she bring it. This is one way he or she can cope with her feelings. It might be a stuffed toy or a pillow.
How to overcome separation anxiety in toddlers age 2 and 3
Meanwhile, these are the following guides on how to overcome separation anxiety in toddlers.
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1. Show a positive attitude on bringing your child on his or her first day at the daycare center or pre-school.
If you show that you are anxious about leaving your child at home or at the daycare, then most likely your toddlers will also feel separation anxiety. So, as much as possible, never show your child that you are apprehensive or fearful. Especially, when bringing and leaving them there.
2. Assure your child that you will see each other again.
Whether you leave your toddlers at home, at a daycare, or at a preschool, give them the assurance that you will return so you can be together again. Tell him or her that separation is just temporary.
3. Decrease time spent inside the classroom gradually.
If your child really cries because they don’t want you to go, then, accompany them to the classroom. Sit at the back for the first few days. Try this until he gets used to his environment.
Then, gradually decrease your time sitting inside the classroom. Finally, if you see that they already like the environment, tell them that you’re already going out of the classroom.
4. Develop a routine.
Once it’s time to leave, get them used to an exchange of a goodbye kiss each other. And then, wave goodbye to each other as you leave.
Do not prolong saying goodbye to each other because this might aggravate his or her anxiety over your leaving. Do it as quickly as you can and allow his or her attention to be attracted by other things.
5. Recognize his or her behavior for not crying whenever you leave.
You can bring something for him when you see each other. This will encourage him or her not to cry over your separation.
Get to know some of the parents and toddlers at the daycare or preschool where you are leaving them. This is one way to put your mind at ease. You know the kids whom your child is with and their parents.
So far, these are some of the practical tips I have tried and proven with my own children. One is when I or my husband leaves them they do not at all cry.
Separation anxiety in toddlers at night
Separation anxiety in toddlers at night is not just a common part of their development stages, but is actually a good thing! This may indicate that your toddler is in the progress of achieving another milestone. However, waking up multiple times in a row, in the middle of the night, can be problematic.
What does separation anxiety in toddlers at night look like?
Separation anxiety in your toddlers is noticeable in the following situations:
- Refusing to sleep alone, or sleeping only when they know you are by their side.
- Waking frequently at night and crying for you
- crying and tantrums when you leave the room or leave for work
- clinging to you, often when in new situations or around other people
- fear of strangers
- strong preference for you or a particular nanny or caregiver
- Longer, and more frequent naps during the day because of lack of sleep at night
Additional information by Nathanielle Torre
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