10 tips on how to play referee when your kids fight

The screaming. The crying. Toys flying from every direction.

This is bad enough with one upset child, but what do you do when you have more than one? If the cause of these big emotions bursting forth is a fight or disagreement with another child, what do you do?

As parents, it’s hard to see a child hurting – physically or emotionally – so we give our love. But there are also times that you have more than one child needing you at the same time.

No need to fret, click "Next" for 10 tips to guide you into playing referee when your kids fight.

Keep calm – don’t panic!

Keeping your wits about may be difficult upon hearing a blood-curdling scream, but it always pays to have presence of mind, taking in a moment and breathe. Since the kids are already worked up, reacting in anger may lead you into making rash decisions and/or hastily imposing extreme disciplinary measures.

This may lead to more screaming and shouting from all of you. Always take a moment to breathe and collect yourself and your emotions.

Do not take sides

If a parent or adult assumes that one child is the wrongdoer while the other is the victim, it can lead to sibling rivalry or even make it worse. In a situation where both children need you at the same time, it’s a good idea to announce what is happening as this helps you tend to them both.

If both kids are physically fine, call them to each side so you can give them reassuring hugs while keeping them physically apart for the moment.

Address the behaviour

According to experts, parents may often think punishment is a teaching tool. Instead of shouting at your child for hitting someone at the playground, focus on the specific wrong-doing and patiently teach why hitting is bad.

Teach in a gentle yet firm tone as your child will most likely grasp what you are saying, and you don’t end up in a shouting match with him/her.

Encourage dialogue

Dialogue allows the kids to vent out their negative feelings. It also teaches kids, especially toddlers, a different way to express themselves and at the same time teaches them to listen.

This also lets you change how you see your child’s behaviour. Engaging in dialogue can also help sort out the cause of conflict (a favourite toy) and help all parties come up with a solution (sharing, taking turns with the toy).

Set up clear rules and follow through

Agree to a set of age-appropriate house rules and their corresponding consequences. Post these rules in obvious or common places at home such as the kitchen, bedroom, or playroom.

If any of the rules are broken, follow through with the consequences. By doing so, the kids know where they stand as they refer to the house rules and they won’t try testing them out and your patience.

Separate them to keep the peace

Sometimes, you need to physically keep the kids apart to keep the peace - one child may stay on the bed reading or colouring while the other can stay on the floor playing with puzzles or blocks. As kids feed off on energies, having them apart for a short while can actually do wonders in helping calm things down. Once they’ve calmed down, they’d be playing together like two peas in a pod!

Try something new

If playtime usually results in an all-out mini boxing match, it’s best to try something new by redirecting their energies into something more positive. Some parents would swear by putting on the kids’ favourite cartoon or music, while others would take the kids to the kitchen to help with the baking or food preparation.

The new activity allows the kids to still bond, this time without them trying to finish each other off.

Identify triggers

Experts also advocate that as a parent, it is helpful that you identify situations that can be possibly upsetting or that can provoke any arguments. Once you’ve identified any possible triggers, patiently teach your kids how to avoid these triggers or negative situation.

You can do this by simply asking what his sibling does when upset. A child might say, "He starts sniffling and pointing at me and his voice gets louder." You can then answer that these are warning signs and advise them to walk away once this happens.

Establish good sleeping and eating habits

We often underestimate the benefits of a good-sleeping schedule and well-balanced diet. Studies have shown that well-rested and well-nourished kids who are on predictable schedules tend to have fewer issues when it comes to their behaviour.

After all, toddlers tend to act up when they’re hungry or tired, so make sure that the kids are well-fed and are early to bed.

Call in the troops

Sometimes, it really takes a village to help raise your kids. And as we all know, kids have boundless energy and parents may have a hard time catching up with them.

So, it’s a great idea to enroll them into energy burning activities or group classes such as Ready Steady Go Kids. Now in the Philippines, Ready Steady Go Kids is Australia’s leading preschool sports and exercise program that aims to promote a healthy lifestyle by developing and enhancing kids’ fine and gross motor skills in an environment that’s fun, social, non-competitive and supportive.

Their classes are structured according to the needs of the child’s respective age group: Ready (2.5 – 3 years); Steady (3-5 years); and Go (5-7 years). With Ready Steady Go Kids Philippines, your child can reap a combination of physical and emotional benefits such as a love for a healthy lifestyle, discipline, understanding, concentration, and communication. To know more, visit their Facebook page.

10 tips on how to play referee when your kids fight

So with these tips at hand, we should expect fights to be at a minimum and happy times at a maximum high. Don’t be afraid to test the waters – experiment, mix things ups – and see which of these tips work for you and your kids.

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Written by

Nicole Chng

Parenting tipsready steady go kids philippinesEnglish